MaleIndiaMember since 15 Apr 12Age 23Last online 3 years ago

Gone. (courtesy Prince Jang) and thanks Ray, you inspired me a lot.

  • A Candid Confinement

    Two cannot keep a secret if one's dead

    1 Like
    That's the title of a infinitely wonderful. bombastically, flabbergastically well written piece that has gotten so less reviews that I've started considering myself lucky. Imagine that. So please read and please give the author feed backs other than, "oh that's so cool and will you read my Movella "how Sophie helped me with my erections".
  • A Candid Confinement
    Okay, here's what, I'll reserve praise for now and get on with CC, that's what you wanted right.
    To start with, I would like to put a disclaimer that this my sole view and is based on my idiosyncratic predilections and no more.
    I love transitions, novels/chapters/stories in which people's mood change in an instant, I love that kind of thing. In this chapter they are hopelessly underhanded, when Celinda first incenses up, there's some kind of connection, but it's not enough, the transition needs to be described more, like SK did in "Carrie". You do it in crescendoing phrase it'll be greater. The moment Holly's face starts pleading, there would have been a moment, when her face turned from arrogance to pleeing, that's would you gotta capture, you've got to transcribe what you see, that instant, that flicker, that's what makes for a delicious read, and after Celinda recognizes her mistakes she starts crying, again. Elucidation. Period.
    There's nothing much, the characterization,m dialogue, especially "get your slimy, grody, two timing, wisenhiming hand off" is good, that's the kind of foulness people get into in that moment they don't have words foul enough.
    And at the last there a line "they wonder what's wrong with me, but I laugh, because the answer to that is so much greater than they will ever know," would flow better if you modified the last one into "the answer to that is so great, they will never know" they'll never know gives a somewhat trailing nostalgic feel, that I love.
    And at last coming to the profitable part of my review, I would like you to read my Poem anthology
    "Body Theft', there are only two poems so it's not actually an anthology.
    NOTE: I've decided to reccomend yours in the precious gems section in the Forum. Good luck and a fave from me.
    Two Can't Keep a Secret If One of Them is Dead
    Two Can't Keep a...
    "Distancing myself is the only way that I won't spill over, like pouring a can of soda into a bottle cap. They wonder what's wrong with me, but I laugh, because the answer to that is so much greater than...
    N. Herbert
    8 years ago
    Thank you so much! Most people get so angry when they receive constructive criticism, but they fail to realize that the best writers were built from things like this. Thank you very much for helping me improve as a writer! I'll go back in and edit this.... shamefully, it was a quickie, so I need to go back and polish up a bit
    A Candid Confinement
    you do that, great, I am really happy for you and um... don't forget about that poem, as much as I am ashamed to say it, I too need some CC on it
  • A Candid Confinement

    Have any stomach problems?, read my poem and throw up

    Okay that was just to draw you in, I personally thinks my poem is coooooool, but my mom crumpled the piece and trashed, so it contradicts, what I thinks, I know bad grammar, it should I think, but cuss grammar, who cares.

    It'll be sooooo coooool if you read my movella and say good things about it
    that's what I want to say but am not that torturous just read it and go to the toilet move your throats come back and tell me how you felt reading it, read the last one "Liquid insanity), it's got an Editor's Recommendation, well..... atleast a future editor's.
    8 years ago
    I'd love to (although I don't think I'm going to vomit)! ;)
    Maybe if you have the time you could check out my movella?
    She's Not Afraid - A Louis Tomlinson...21-year old Louis Tomlinson is a normal college student studying at London University: He’s living a good social life with his four best friends, partying...
  • A Candid Confinement
    Okay to start with saw that you closed the reviews movellas so thought I will give you some CC on this and ask you to return the favor.
    One thing I always say to anyone who writes poems is make it big, no worries if they don't rhyme, besides the word blue is a very large surface to surf upon, it's ocean, it's sky and myriad other things. That's not to say, what you've written is bad, I only give CC to things that have potential. What I am saying is give the reader the foundation he needs to form a view on what you write, either a poem is good or otherwise, the reader has to think so, give him something more concrete, divulge, lose yourself. You know something it's better if someone says, "this is plain bad" then if someone says "I don't know what to say" if someone says "this is plain bad" then it means what you've written has character enough for someone to hate, for someone to funnel hatred toward, and thousand to one there are chances that someone else will love. Another thing is though free verse is god and modernistic, few ole traditional rhymes, ones that just surface to us when we think, don't struggle to rhyme, but at least when it flows easily to you, it hooks the reader, moreover if it stilts the poet's flow if he tries to rhyme hard, then doesn't it stilt the poet's flow if he tries not to rhyme hard?, moreover once you start rhyming not only do you start getting addicted to it you start expressing yourself better.
    I really liked the verse "springing from Earth" that's superb poetry, you know the word that cuts sharp in the ears, and flows too. And in the last stanza you've repeated, serenity and calmness, they mean the same, or they are kindred words, why don't pick them together make a separate paragraph on calmness, then on depression, then a paragraph on how blueness helps combat depression. Moreover it's been proven scientifically that scientifically that blueness enhances calmness, I know poetry is fulla metaphors and science has had a friction with it many a times, but when they go along you gotta grab. I really like poems, and when they are founded well written well but are half baked, I hate it. I am telling you elucidate this one, and you will find it published, and I am not kidding.
    Now, coming to the lucrative part of my job, will you read my poem anthology (has got four poems and I really love my fourth one) "Body Theft", they are quite big so even if you find it tiring to read em all, please at least read the fourth one, Liquid Insanity.
    A poem about the color blue.
  • A Candid Confinement
    yeah, no justin beiber, a fav from me just for you saying that
    Weird Short Stories 2
    Weird Short Storie...
    This is the continuation (Did I spell that right? I think I did...) Of 'Weird Short Stories'. It shall contain the same formula or carrots, goldfish, and Larry the mouse as normal. Please enjoy the ride. Please...
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