That's is isn't it? You never meant for this to have an ending did you?

He always left and came back. I never knew why. I always accepted him, no matter how hard I tried. Pushing each other away seemed like the logical choice. But, that all goes down the drain the second I'd hear his voice.



I tend to exaggerate things quite often. Such as the significance of a single touch, or the emotion in a simple conversation. But, with him there’s always been significance behind a single touch, and emotion embedded in every simple conversation.  Attempting to think everything through only causes you to become more confused. After all, I’ve been trying for two years now, and I still don’t know very much. The day was on March 13th, to be exact, and that week gave me strange hunches to say the least. The crowd of people in homeroom made it almost impossible to get inside. Him and I shoved our way through the glued together groups of people, but not without him losing his balance unexpectedly. He stumbled and quickly regained his balance. Yet, he grabbed onto me almost like a half hug. He smiled and began to laugh as he said, “I needed support.” I started to laugh as well along with him, and I tried to forget about the way it made me feel when his arms wrapped around me, even slightly. “Hey! You got your hug!” He exclaimed, referring to the hug he still owed me that he had promised weeks ago. I laughed even harder. “Doesn’t count.” I say. “Yes it does.” He replies. And from there we went back and forth play arguing about whether it counted or not.

“Yes it does… No it doesn't…. Yes it does…. No it doesn’t…”


And that was the first of the few days I’m going to recall.


It was homeroom again, except this time was in the morning of March 15th. The seat in front of me sat empty and before I knew it he had invited himself to sit there. He turned around as we proceeded to have those simple conversations I had mentioned before. The kind that have hidden emotion, even though neither one can notice that the way they look at each other is more than just best friends. What I had noticed though, was something I hadn’t seen in over 6 months. His eyes were lighting up as he talked to me, the familiar spark that kept us going for almost 2 years. The echoes of inside jokes and teasing each other was a normal everyday thing, but at that moment it was different. He would inch closer in small doses, and block my view of the board on purpose, making me laugh, and causing me to attempt to move his head and arms from my front facing view.


Sooner or later I had to realize that the little spark with me, was no match for the flaming fire of insanity that fumed in him when he was around her. Sooner or later I had to realize that even though the familiar spark had shown it’s ugly shadowed face from the past, it wasn’t what I wanted, not now, not ever again. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss it. Of course I do. But I don’t miss it enough to spend all those sleepless nights wishing for it back like I used to. I’m a different person now, a person who’s life doesn’t include him, or that story in it.


It was time to realize his presence in my life truly was, and will always be;



*sigh* If only I could lie to myself that easily. 

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