That one song about that one Hobbit

In which Percy, Ron, Annabeth, Grover, and Jacquelyn deal with Team Bagginshield fans and the dreaded Bilbo Baggins song. Written in honor of Bilbo Baggins' birthday.


1. The Song

“Hey guys, I heard this interesting song,” said Frank as the group gathered around the campfire.

“What interesting song are you talking about?” said Annabeth.

At the same time, Grover said, “Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?”

“Probably because it’s that one song that everybody knows that’s annoying,” said Percy.

“How is that song annoying?” said Leo. “I think it’s kind of cool.”

“No, it’s not,” said Percy.

“Why not?” said everyone.

“Because Annabeth, Grover, Ron, Tyson, Jacquelyn, and I heard that song too many times in that one story about us traveling with a Hobbit throughout Middle Earth,” said Percy. Everyone stared at him.

“It’s true,” said Grover. “Every other chapter, someone starts singing the Bilbo Baggins song.”

“It’s annoying,” said Ron.

“And don’t even get me started on that one part of the story where Bilbo and Thorin hook up in Laketown,” said Percy.

“Oh my god, you mean they hooked up in Laketown?” said Hazel.

“Now you end up being a fan girl about it,” said Annabeth as she rolled her eyes.

“Of course we are,” said Jason as he whipped off his shirt, revealing another shirt underneath. The shirt said “Team Bagginshield”. “Team Bagginshield!” he yelled out.

“Team Bagginshield!” the others yelled out as they revealed their “Team Bagginshield” shirts

“Oh God, kill me now,” said Ron.

“What’s going on here?” said Jacquelyn as she approached the group.

“I think we’ve made things bad for ourselves," said Percy. “I practically announced that Bilbo and Thorin were a couple.”

“Of course they were a couple,” said Jacquelyn. “We all knew they were a couple.”

Frank saw her and said, “Did you know they sang a song about Bilbo?”

“The Bilbo Baggins song?” Jacquelyn cried out. “You mean that one song sung by Leonard Nimoy?”

“How’s about I sing it now,”  said Frank.

“Dude, don’t do it!” yelled Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Ron, and Jacquelyn.

Frank ignored them and began to sing: 

In the middle of the earth in the land of the Shire
Lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire.
With his long wooden pipe,
Fuzzy, woolly toes,
He lives in a hobbit-hole and everybody knows him

Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He’s only three feet tall
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all!

After the song was done, the five demigods and spellcaster could only do one thing. “Oh my god!”

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