Tales from Middle Earth

Here are a series of funny stories that come from the world of The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings.



1. Happy New Year (the Hobbit)

(In which a mistake blows up an entire town)

It was a brand new year, and everyone was talking about the fireworks show that was happening in Laketown. Almost everyone, that was. The Master of Laketown really should have checked his order more carefully, as he had no idea that he had brought the wrong set of fireworks from the fireworks store.

"This is so embarrassing!" he cried out as he opened up a crate and saw a huge barrel filled to the brim with green crap. "I swore I said I didn't want the Piggie's Surprise!"

"You should have purchased the fireworks from that old man down the lane," said Alfrid as he glared at him. Then noticing the Master drinking a glass of strong wine, he said, "Isn't it a bit too early to start the celebration, sir? Nobody has showed up to the town square yet."

"Excuse me, Mister Conscience, but this is the only way I'm getting through the celebration," said the Master. "Besides, these parties are so boring!"

"Well, let's at least test one of these fireworks just to make sure," said Alfrid as he rolled out a huge barrel. He opened it and gasped at what he saw. It wasn't even remotely Piggie's Surprise at all.

The Master said, "How's about we light it up just to be sure." He lit the barrel with a lantern, and the barrel caught on fire. The burning barrel soon burned the other barrels and green stuff was everywhere.

"OH MY GOD, YOU STUPID BUFFOON!!!" Alfrid screamed as he watched the results of his boss's work go up in literal green smoke.

From the safety of the gates leading into Erebor, the entire population of Laketown watched as a huge green explosion destroyed the entire city. "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" everyone yelled. 

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